


Because of You

by Tempestas_D_Uzu



Series: I Am Not Nothing [4]
Category: Black Panther (2018), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Artificial Intelligence, Attempted Kidnapping, Because of You by Kelly Clarkson, Chapter 2 is an Author Note, Childhood Memories, Erik Killmonger Lives, F/M, Family Bonding, Family Feels, Female Tony Stark, Hausa, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Hydra (Marvel), Inspired by Music, Italiano | Italian, Kid Fic, Meme Lord Shuri (Marvel), Memes, Miscarriage, N'Jadaka's pottymouth, Parent Tony Stark, Past Child Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Song Lyrics, Sweet T'Challa (Marvel), Tony Stark Has A Heart, Vines, Wakanda (Marvel), Wakanda Traditions, Yoruba, inspired by a song, made up rituals, no beta we die like men, puns, royal consort Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-08-22 18:48:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16603550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tempestas_D_Uzu/pseuds/Tempestas_D_Uzu
Summary: Extremis may have made the scars fade, but it couldn’t fix the psychological damage. Her past had impacted everything that she had become, and it would continue to haunt her - it would never go away.Toni Stark won't heal, but with the help of her family, she can recover.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be one fic about the kids growing up, but I found that it would be better character development if I split it into two - so there's one more story in the main continuity, about Azari and Maria growing up, then I have two spin-offs planned that will come at a later date.
> 
> Translations:  
> Zuciyata "My Heart" Hausa  
> Kayu Daya "Beautiful One" Hausa  
> Passerotto "Little Sparrow" Italian  
> Guarda "Look" Italian  
> Aguntan mi "My Strength" Yoruba  
> Stella "Star" Italian  
> Amore mio "My Love" Italian  
> Ododo mi "My Flower" Yoruba  
> Tesoro "Treasure" Italian  
> Vita mia "My Life" Italian  
> Kambi na "My Crown" Hausa  
> Ounku "Uncle" Yoruba  
> Anti "Aunt" Yoruba  
> Gattino "Kitten" Italian  
> Hai dato un senso alla mia vita "You have given sense to my life" Italian  
> Inumi dun gan "I am very happy" Yoruba  
> Okan mi nso ede ife "My heart speaks the language of love" Yoruba
> 
> http://timeofgist.com.ng/9-romantic-hausa-words-can-use-pet-name-bae/  
> http://www.meandmomintuscany.com/12-italian-terms-of-endearment-for-the-little-ones-you-love/  
> https://omgvoice.com/lifestyle/romantic-yoruba-words-pet-name  
> https://www.nairaland.com/1007784/yoruba-terms-endearment/1  
> http://www.romanlife-romeitaly.com/romantic-italian-phrases.html  
> http://mylanguages.org/yoruba_phrases.php

**Because of You**

 

 

When she wakes up in the hospital, T’Challa is at her side, gently running a large hand through short brown curls, and she gasps painfully as awareness and the memories return to her.

(Thanos, making him bleed - _“I hope they remember you.”_ \- T’Challa’s roar of rage as her own blade is forced through her abdomen.)

“Hush, _Zuciyata_.” He sooths, and Toni coughs.

“Hey there, Thundercat.” She grins, and T’Challa returns it, but then she sobers. “How is everyone?”

The King of Wakanda sighs, “The Black Widow has succumbed to her injuries, as has Hawkeye. There are numerous injuries, broken bones, the occasional stab wound. Falcon’s Exo-Suit was damaged in the battle, and he fell; they do not know if he will wake, and if he does, he will never walk properly again. Shuri has begun repairs to Vision’s body, with the return of the Mind Stone and the Time Stone we believe that he will recover fully.” He tells her, “Nebula is going to require a new arm, as will Rocket – though he seems much more pleased with the fact than Nebula.”

Toni chortles, forcing herself into a sitting position with T’Challa’s help, and the Black Panther gently helps her drink from a water bottle. “I can work with that.” She jokes, and he chuckles, leaning forward to press a lingering kiss against the corner of her mouth. “Don’t do that, Kitten, my breath is probably terrible.” She laughs, pushing the man away with a playful poke to the nose.

“It’s over, _Kyau Daya_.” He murmurs, reeling her back in to kiss her forehead. “It’s over, and we can rest.”

She smiles, pressing a kiss to his jaw, “Move on.” She agrees.

“Marry me?”

Toni blinks, looking up into T’Challa’s earnest expression at the sudden question, mouth opening in shock. “Is now really a good time.”

T’Challa smiles, leaning closer, “Not now, but eventually, when it calms down and rebuilding has progressed. I love you, Antonia Maria Stark, and I would be honoured if you agreed to be my Queen.”

Toni laughs, ducking herself under his chin and curling into his chest, “I don’t need a kingdom, Darth Meowl, but if you’re offering-”

She was cut off by T’Challa’s arms circling her body and bundling her closer.

 

_**I will not make the same mistakes that you did** _

 

“Mother?”

Toni turns when she hears Vision’s entrance to her labs, smiling as her baby boy floats into the room, and the bots go wild at the sight of their youngest brother. “Hey there, _Passerotto_.” She smiles, standing and opening her arms to let her newly repaired son move into her embrace.

Vision does so, melting into her arms and wrapping his own around her waist, “I am happy to see you well, _Madre_.” He tells her, and Toni presses a kiss to his forehead, right on top of the returned Mind Stone that made her son who he is.

“Oh, hush you.” She teases, running her eyes over his repaired body, then pulls him closer. “I’m so glad you’re alright.”

Vision smiles, “Princess Shuri is quite knowledgeable in her field, and Doctor Strange lent her his aid.”

“I’ll need to get them a gift basket.” Toni sighs, pressing a hand against her son’s cheek and Vision leans into her palm. “FRI, remind me to get them gift baskets.”

“Yes, Boss.” FRIDAY agrees, amusement colouring her tone, and Butterfingers rushes up the Vision, beeping happily. Dum-E and U follow close behind their fellow bot, crashes of fallen objects following in their wake, and Toni smiles fondly, stepping back to watch her children reunite.

“You’re all disasters.” She says playfully, carefully straightening her chair and staring out at the mess that her oldest three had created.

 

_**I will not let myself** _

_**Cause my heart so much misery** _

 

 _Antonia is three years old when she truly begins to understand that her_ Padre _doesn’t love her; she’s a tiny girl, with thick dark brown curls that_ Madre _likes to brush and tie with ribbons, and she’s proudly wearing the new dress Jarvis had picked out for her that morning. She bounces down the stairs, braids swinging across her back and her Bucky Bear held snugly in her arms as she hums one of_ Madre _’s songs under her breath._

Padre _is at the bottom of the stairs, voice hushed and furious as he stands next to a pretty woman with dark red hair and a voice like Jarvis’, and Antonia brightens._

 _“-been_ forty years _, Howard! He’s gone!” The woman is hissing, “-time to move on, you have a family now! A daughter!”_

 _“-need to look closer, Peggy!”_ Padre _responds slashing a hand through the air. “-doesn’t matter, I need to find him!”_

 _“_ Padre _!_ Padre _!” Antonia chirps brightly, rushing to his side to show him her pretty blue dress and her nice white stockings. “_ Guarda _!” Then she freezes in the face of Padre’s arctic glare, and Antonia squeaks, clutching Bucky Bear closer to her chest as she shies away from the man. The woman looks startled, brown eyes shifting between Padre and Antonia._

 _“What have I told you, Antonia!” Padre snaps, “Don’t bother me when I’m working! And speak_ English _!”_

 _Antonia stutters; she knows she’s smart -_ Madre _, Ana, and Jarvis say so - but Italian is the language_ Madre _has taught her and the language Antonia knows best. Even Jarvis and Ana speak to her in Italian when_ Padre _is away. She knows English, she has to for_ Madre _’s parties, but Antonia loves Italian, loves the way it sounds and rolls off her tongue, she loves the way_ Madre _smiles when they talk to each other in their special language._

_“Howard!” The lady snaps, and Padre scoffs._

_“You may have_ moved on _, Peggy, but I won’t betray Steve’s memory!”_

 _“We barely_ knew him _, Howard Stark!” She cries angrily, fists shaking at her side. “I_ loved _him, yes, but I didn’t_ know _him! I can’t ruin my life for a man I knew for a few years during the War! I thought you were happy for Daniel and I!”_

 _“He_ loved _you, Peggy! And this is how you repay him?!”_

 _“_ Repay him _?!” She sounds furious, and Antonia shies away from both of the yelling adults. “That’s not how loving someone works, Howard!”_

_“...Daddy?” Antonia asks quietly, and her father glares at her._

_“Go back to your mother, Girl!”_

_Antonia flees._

 

_**I will not break the way you did,** _

 

Toni hums as a large hand cards through her short curls, the two seated comfortably in the large living room of her Stark Tower penthouse, her head in T’Challa’s lap as they watch the sun set over the towers of downtown New York. The TV drones in the background, talking about the upcoming trials against Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, and James Barnes, and Toni sighs happily.

Once this mess was over, she could get on with her life.

“It is almost over, _Aguntan mi_.” T’Challa soothes, bending down to press a kiss to the side of her head, and Toni smiles.

“Once the trials are over,” Toni murmurs, “I’m retiring from the Avengers.” His hand stills, and she rolls over to stare up into T’Challa’s dark eyes, grinning at the surprise in his expression. “I’ve already started filling out the paperwork. Riri and Keenster can take the reins for the Iron Man Project, I just want to start settling down.” She gently takes his hand, and presses a kiss to his palm. “I’m not getting any younger.”

“Is that truly what you want to do?” T’Challa asks, “I have no expectations, and I do not wish for you to give up something that makes you happy.”

“I’m doing it for me, Catnip.” Toni tells him, “I’m not giving it up because I think that that’s what you want. I’m ready to step back and let the kids take over.”

T’Challa hums, “As long as it is what you want to do, I will support you – no matter what you choose.”

Toni smiles, reaching up to pull him closer, and press a gentle kiss to his lips.

“Tell me about Wakandan weddings?” She requests, and T’Challa beams.

 

_**You fell so hard** _

 

_“Why doesn’t he love me?” Hands still in her hair, and the four-year-old girl looks up to meet Jarvis’ eyes. “Why aren’t I good enough?”_

_“You are an amazing girl, Miss Antonia.” Jarvis says, and Antonia frowns because Jarvis is avoiding the question, “You are intelligent and beautiful, and it makes me angry that Master Howard doesn’t want to see that.”_

_“But_ why _?” She probes, and Jarvis sighs._

_“Master Howard is a complex man, Miss Antonia.” The butler tells her, and continues to guide the brush through her thick curls. “And I cannot even begin to understand him. The world is not a kind place for girls, Miss, they will expect certain things from you, things you may not wish to do, and you must be strong to face them. Director Carter is correct when she says that sometimes you must stand your ground, and while you shouldn’t have to, you need to prove to those who will doubt your abilities because of how you were born.”_

_“It’s because I’m a girl, then?”_

_“…Among other things.”_

 

_**I’ve learned the hard way** _

 

Toni doesn’t attend the trials, she doesn’t want to, however she does send in everything she has on Rogers, Wilson, and Barnes; she doesn’t plan to be biased, she’s tired of doing anything for Rogers and his followers, and she knows that for everything Barnes suffered, he deserves the chance to live his life. He’s a victim just the same as she, and all other people effected by the Winter Soldier and HYDRA, is, and he’s willingly offering them closure – helping locate the bodies of those HYDRA disposed of goes a long way in the eyes of the families who just wanted to bring their loved ones’ home.

Toni may know that it wasn’t fully Barnes who killed her mother, but she doesn’t want to see him.

Rogers and Wilson, on the other hand?

She pulls no punches; she gives the jury everything, because they were guilty, Rogers was wrong and Wilson should have _known better_.

She wants them out of her life, and put away for good.

 

**_To never let it get that far_ **

 

Toni hums quietly as she steps into the kitchen, studying the insides of the large fridge, then looking up at the gathering of brats around her island. “Any preference for dinner?” She asks absently, leaning over to study Bonnie’s science homework and ruffle the younger Keener’s blonde curls. “Recheck the protons there, _Stella_.”

“Chicken strips!” Peter cheers, and the response is immediate.

“FUCK YOUR CHICKEN STRIPS!” Shuri, Riri, and Harley holler in unison, and Bonnie giggles.

Toni stares.

T’Challa chooses that moment to enter the penthouse, Vision at his side as the two were bent over a tablet speaking quietly, and the King looks up, blinking and confused.

“What’s this about chicken strips?”

“The brats want Brussel sprouts for dinner. Only Brussel sprouts.” Toni deadpans, and they all groan.

 

**_Because of you_ **

**_I never stray too far from the sidewalk_ **

 

“Boss,” FRIDAY speaks up as the small group reorganize the living room to suit their epic movie night planned. Well, technically just T'Challa, Toni, and Bonnie are doing any work, Harley, Riri, and Shuri have isolated themselves in the corner and are bent over one of Shuri's holograms, bickering quietly over calculations. “Peter has arrived, with his guests.”

Toni looks up from the pile of pizza boxes she’s inspecting, brows furrowing slightly; “Ned and MJ?” She guesses, but she already knows that there’s probably someone else as well, if it were just Peter's two closest friends, FRIDAY would have just said so.

“And one other, Boss.” FRIDAY informs her, “But Peter wants to introduce you himself.”

“Thanks, baby girl.” Toni hums, nodding when she sees the right amount of bacon on the pizza, then turning towards the elevator as it dings, allowing the group of young adults to pour into the penthouse, laughing with each other.

“Hey Miss Stark,” MJ jerks her head in greeting, then makes a b-line for Shuri, a sketchbook under her arm. Ned echoes her greeting and follows right behind his female high school friend.

Peter enters the penthouse right after his school friends, his pale fingers intertwined with his companions tanned ones as he nervously rings his free hand in his sweater as he smiles at his mentor. “Hi Miss Stark!” He greets, brown eyes bright as they meet her own as he tugs his partner closer, “You- ah - you know Johnny.”

Johnny Storm grins, and Toni raises an eyebrow.

“The Human Torch.” She agrees, and the young mutate winks at her.

“The one and only.” The blond says smoothly, flashing their clasped hands towards her, and Toni laughs.

“You’ve got good taste, Spiderling.” Peter relaxes at her words, and leans closer to his boyfriend. “He’s pretty.”

“ _Smoking_.” Johnny chirps innocently, and Toni grins.

“Careful there Icarus, fly too close to the sun and you might just _burn up_.”

Peter deadpans, “I immediately regret my decision.”

“Sorry, Pete,” Johnny purrs, pressing a kiss to the smaller male’s cheek and grinning smugly when the Spider-hero blushes, “We’re just letting off some _steam_.”

“ _Hothead_.” He smacks the blond’s chest as Toni toasts the pun with a slice of pizza.

“But I’m _your_ hothead.” The young man flutters golden lashes as the brunet hero, and Toni watches as Peter smiles fondly and pulls the taller male into a kiss.

Shuri wolf whistles, and MJ snorts.

“They’re always like this.” The artist drawls, “It’s giving me cavities.”

_They grow up so fast._

 

**_Because of you_ **

**_I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt_ **

 

_Tony is six years old, and she knows that Father hates her._

_She’s not good enough; he wanted a son, an heir he could be proud of, instead he got a little girl with a high level of intelligence than he could handle. She knows her father is jealous, and despite his engineering talents, his IQ only above-average – Tony can do so many things with ease, things he can’t even imagine._

_He_ hates _her, but she’s_ useful _, and that’s the only reason why he gives her any kind of vaguely positive attention._

_Nowadays, the majority of things that Stark Industries churns out comes from Tony’s brain. She’s encouraged to draw, but she can only draw schematics, she’s encouraged to write, but only calculations, everything she creates is taken away and given to the Research and Development Teams with Howard Stark’s name on it; she’s just another tool that Father uses to stay on the top._

_Tony knows this - it’s a part of her life, it’s just the way things are for her._

_But she also knows that it’s not normal; children her age are supposed to be out playing, making friends, and going to school, but not Tony. Tony is locked away in the family home, watched over by strict tutors who push her past her limits, who teach her at a rate that would be alarming if seen, and she’s only trotted outside for public appearances where she has to be Antonia and smile for the cameras. Children are not supposed to be covered in burns from working with molten metal, wires, and chemicals._

_Normal children are supposed to be loved and cared for._

_Tony isn't normal._

 

**_Because of you_ **

**_I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me_ **

 

Wakanda’s greeting for their King and his intended is joyous, and Toni’s smile is real as she leans into T’Challa’s side.

To the world outside of Wakanda, they may be married (a publicity stunt really, now that the Wakandan Royal Family has stepped into the light there are certain expectations to be followed, and a wedding for the world news to gush over is one of those things – honestly, Toni’s identity hadn’t helped much either; she had been in the spotlight her entire life, nothing new there) but her new country has its own traditions to be followed. The Ritual of Engagement was important in Wakanda, the same way a chapel wedding was important to Christians; a pairing wouldn’t be seen as fulfilled until it was complete.

There were four stages in the ritual; as a warrior nation, the Ritual of Engagement did indeed include combat, it was step one, and it was usually simply between the joining families, where the engaged pair would face off against another couple, chosen by the families, in battle to prove their abilities to work together. But as the King and future Queen, she and T’Challa would be expected to perform in front of Wakanda and her people, to prove themselves to the country in a way much like T’Challa’s coronation battle.

(This would also count as Toni’s public coronation as Queen, since it was also the most important part of the Ritual, and T’Challa had admitted the only part most Wakandans truly care about nowadays. Everything else was trivial, but tradition, and as King he was expected to complete the entire Ritual.)

If they proved themselves in combat, then came the reception, which would be a much more private affair, where the partner changing Tribes is given away by their old Tribe to be welcomed into their new one and introduced to their new family. As an outsider, Toni didn’t exactly have a Tribe, but she did have her adopted family; the Rhodes and Keeners were being flown out to Wakanda for this reason, Pepper, Happy, Peter and Vision with them (and all their significant others included, if they wished).

Part three was what T’Challa called the blessing; the couple would spend a day sequestered away in the temples of Bast, surrounded by incense, and simply meditating. T’Challa would spend the time praying to Bast for her blessing and guidance, but he has assured Toni that she didn’t have to - there were plenty of atheists in Wakanda, so she could meditate and enjoy the food put out of them, no praying required. Most couples simply enjoyed the chance to enjoy each other’s presence and the silence.

The final stage of a Wakandan wedding was the joining; the couple and their families would enjoy a large banquet together, before the couple would retreat into their own private rooms. It was basically the honeymoon stage, and a lot of time was spent enjoying each other’s presence in a much more fun way.

To Toni, who had never really given much thought to marriage in the past, the whole thing seems a little long, but she really didn’t mind going through it; she loves T’Challa, and she’s not afraid of a few traditions – he had gone through the Western-styled marriage for Toni’s sake, she can do the same for him.

T’Challa makes her happy, there’s no fear of each other in their relationship, no cruel words or actions – he loves her despite her flaws, in fact he loves her with the flaws included; he doesn’t care a lick for what she did in the past, he doesn’t hold it over her like others would and have done.

Toni’s smiles are real with T’Challa.

 

**_Because of you_ **

**_I am afraid_ **

 

_Jarvis dies when Tony is seven years old._

_Tony stands in front of his grave, shoulders straight back despite how much they want to curl forward, still despite how much she wants to shake, and silent despite how much she just wants to scream._

_Jarvis was the closest thing to a father Tony had ever known, he was her protector and defender, he had protected her from the worse of Howard’s temper, shielded her from his rage, and now he was gone, dead and buried, and Howard was still there._

_Howard’s fingers are tight on her shoulder, to the world looking like a grieving friend, and a father comforting his daughter, but Tony knows better. His grip in tight and bruising, digging into her skin like daggers, his face is cold and distant – he’ll be drinking tonight, Tony knows, and there will be no Jarvis to keep him distracted and away from her._

_Madre is away, attending a fundraiser in England and unavailable because Howard refused to call her, she doesn’t even know that Jarvis is gone, and she won’t until she comes back._

_Aunt Peggy is there though, Tony had seen her and Uncle Daniel in the crowd – maybe she can convince the woman to come for a visit, or maybe even take her away._

_Howard’s crushing grip on her shoulder, however, reminds Tony that escape is impossible._

 

**_I lose my way_ **

 

Styled much like the armour the Dora wear, her ritual clothing hugs her curves; it’s breathable in a way that Toni hadn’t expected, light and airy despite the its intention to protect, and the black, purple, and gold of the Golden Tribe. Toni kind of wants to take it apart and study it, and she’s 100% sure that there’s Vibranium woven into the fabric.

“You look great,” Shuri, wielding white face paint like a weapon, assures her as she comes closer, and Toni has to force herself not to twitch with the nervousness she feels as the princess dots it across her face. “My brother won’t know what hit him when he sees you in this.”

“It’ll be N’Jadaka hitting him if the asshole gets his way.” Toni points out, and Shuri laughs.

“Our cousin does like hitting him, doesn’t he?”

“It’s what impressed Nakia.” Toni snorts, and Shuri clicks her tongue.

“Actually, I believe it was the disemboweled slave traders that impressed her.” Shuri giggles, “And it was her kicking him in the nose that impressed N’Jadaka.”

“Your family has weird tastes.”

Shuri beams, and winks playfully. “ _Our_ family.” Another precise dot is added to her chin, and the younger genius grins, “If you listen to Mama’s stories, it was her laying Baba flat out on his ass that led to their relationship. I guess the men of our family are more prone to falling in love with those who can kick their asses.”  
Toni raises an eyebrow, “And you’re not?”

“MJ is a badass, but she’s not a fighter.” Shuri protests, “She can emasculate a man with only her words.” Toni chuckles, and Shuri rolls her eyes before stepping away. “There, we’re done. Go kick some ass, _Sister_.”

 

**_And it’s not too long before you point it out_ **

 

The spectators are singing, swaying back and forth along the cliffs in a sea of colours as they step off of the Talon, drumbeats matching their steps as the two pairs face each other, the music raising into a crescendo as Zuri steps into the water, then silences as he raises his staff, and the four in the water kneel.

“Before you, is T’Challa, son of T’Chaka, and Antonia, daughter of Maria – they come seeking Ritual Combat, and the blessings of our ancestors in their coupling!” Zuri calls to the crowd, “Chosen by the family, stands the challengers; N’Jadaka, son of N’Jobu, and Nakia, daughter of W’Mobo.” The crowd hoots, banging spears against the rock and the four combatants stand, and four children come forward, weapons in hand.

Toni shoots a smirking N’Jadaka a playful wink as he fiddles impatiently with his swords, Nakia looking faintly amused as she grips her chakrams and nods to the small priest-child. T’Challa, at her side, lets out a barely audible huff of laughter as he gratefully takes his sword and shield from the young child holding it, and Toni tests the weight of the spear her own little arms-barer had brought.

“Are there any among us who disapprove of this pair?” Zuri calls, and when no one comes forward he continues. “Then we shall begin. The first to fall and unable to regain themselves, has lost.”

The drums start up once again as the Royal Advisor steps out of the water, and the four are still for a moment, letting the sounds of the music wash over them.  
N’Jadaka moves first, rushing forward with Nakia a step behind him, swords lashing out, then deflecting off of T’Challa’s shield as the King pivots to intercept him.

Toni spins around T’Challa’s back, thankful for the long lessons from Okoye as she twirls her spear, picking up a rhythm as the weight of the blade keeps the weapon moving smoothly as she swipes at N’Jadaka.

The Prince slides away from her attack, but he gets clipped by T’Challa’s shield as he swings it outward, using his sword to block Nakia’s chakram.

Their fight is mostly even as it continues, N’Jadaka and T’Challas’ evenly-matched skill with their swords makes sure that the fight never feels one-sided as they cover for the two women. Nakia is skilled, that’s for sure, but her talent lies more with quick, cunning attacks, while Toni’s Extremis-boosted strength makes up for her general inexperience using her spear in combat.

The singing from the crowd grows louder as the fight continues, N’Jadaka and Nakias’ speed giving them greater offensive capabilities, while T’Challa’s shield and Toni’s reach with her spear allow them to defend with much more ease.

And then T’Challa’s shield catches Nakia in the chest, sending the spy crashing to the ground hard enough to rattle her and leave her stunned, and unable to rise, makes the match, and N’Jadaka bares his teeth in a grin as he stands down, dropping his swords as he moves to help Nakia back onto her feet, and Zuri steps forward once more.

“The victors are T’Challa and Antonia!” The elder calls, and the crowd cheers, “Long may their coupling last! Long live the King and Queen!”

 

**_I cannot cry_ **

 

A deep chuckle draws Toni back into the waking world, and she doesn’t bother hiding the sappy smile as her eyes flutter open to see T’Challa leaning over her, dark eyes warm he watches her.

“Good morning, my Queen.” He purrs, and Toni chuckles, pulling him down for a kiss.

“Were you watching me sleep, _Amore mio_?” She teases as she pulls away, and T’Challa nips her bottom lip as his fingers massage her hip.

“You are so beautiful, I could not help myself, _Ododo mi_.” The King tells her as her hands comb through his hair and brush across his sculpted jaw.

Toni hums, pressing a kiss to his adams apple as her eyes sparkle mischievously, “How much longer do you think we have of our honeymoon stage?” She asks playfully, and T’Challa grins.

“I’m not expected to return to my duties until tomorrow, bar an emergency that Mother and Shuri cannot deal with.”

She smoothly flips them over with a quick burst of Extremis-strength so that she’s perched on T’Challa’s bare hips, and leans closer so that her breath mingles with his own as she murmurs, “Why don’t we get _productive_?”

T’Challa growls playfully, hands moving to her hips, “Can you keep up, my love?”

“You know I can, Kitty.”

 

**_Because I know that’s weakness in your eyes_ **

 

 _“I’m so sorry,”_ Madre _whispers, pulling a silent Tony closer to her, cradling the small girl like she’s glass. They have to be quiet, because Howard is drunk, and Tony gently brushes a tiny, scarred hand against the bruising on_ Madre _’s jaw._

 _“He_ hurt _you.” Tony says, heartbroken as her mother tries to smile for her sake._

 _“It probably looks worse than it really is,_ Tesoro _.”_ Madre _lies, and Tony doesn’t believe her. “_ Madre _will be fine in the morning.”_

_She won’t though, because it takes longer than a night for bruises that deep to heal, Tony knows from experience. If anything, her mother will just hide it behind makeup and a pretty smile._

_“Why did you marry him?” Tony asks, curling into her mother’s embrace, and Maria Stark holds her closer._

_“Because I loved him. Because I_ thought _he loved me.” She admits, and Tony frowns, “Maybe he did once, but he’s changed – maybe I never knew who he really was until I married him.”_ Madre _sighs heavily, “He was older than me, with money, and my_ Padre _liked that, so when Howard asked him to marry me, he agreed. He was kind to me once, and he was gentle when we got married, but as the years went on I couldn’t give him what he wanted.”_

 _“A son.” Tony mutters bitterly, and_ Madre _sighs again._

 _“We tried, over and over again, but it just didn’t work. And Howard got frustrated with me a lot, and then I learned I was finally pregnant after years of failing.” She tells her, running a hand through Tony’s curly hair, “He was so excited, already picking out names – he wanted Anthony Howard, but then you were born, and he got Antonia Maria instead. I was so happy, I didn’t care that I had a little girl instead of the son Howard wanted, the moment you were put into my arms, I fell in love. You were perfect,” A kiss is pressed against Tony’s cheek, “You_ are _perfect.”_

 _Tony is silent for a moment, staring into her_ Madre _’s lovely eyes, “Why do you stay here?”_

 _“Because if I left, they wouldn’t let me take you with me,_ Vita mia _.”_

 

**_I’m forced to fake_ **

**_A smile, a laugh every day of my life_ **

 

Extremis may have made the scars fade, but it couldn’t change the psychological damage.

Some days, Toni will stare at her hands, looking at the scars that were no longer there, and she’ll remember Howard. He had only been in her life for twelve years, but Toni knew that he’d never truly leave her, that he, Stane, and Rogers would continue to haunt her.

It would never go away.

They may no longer be able to hurt her, but she’d never forget what they did, she’d never stop hurting. There was no healing, because it would never change what happened, it would never take away how they impacted her life.

But she could move on, let the bad memories stay as bad memories, and make some good ones to fight them off. She would continue to pretend, until pretending came easier, and maybe someday she can tell herself that she’s fine without it ringing hollow.

T’Challa helps, having him around made it so easier to recreate who Toni is. She has people now, to fill the space that her mother, Jarvis, and Ana left behind; she has her bots, she has FRIDAY, and Vision, and Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy. There’s Peter, and Harley, Shuri, Bonnie, and Riri.

She has so many people now that it shocks her. Half the time she doesn’t see what they see in her, how such amazing people would willing be around her.

She has her family of choice.

She won’t heal, but she can recover.

 

**_My heart can’t possibly break_ **

 

Toni stares into the mirror, studying her pale, drawn features as one of her hands knot in the fabric of her blouse. Quivering lips are pressed into a tight line, and her eyes are dark and haunted. She doesn’t know if she can do this again, not after what happened last time, not after waking up in the hospital to learn that the little life that she hadn’t even known about was gone.

Toni shakes, one hand clenched around the smooth Vibranium of the sink in their private quarters, the other pressed against her flat stomach as if her palm would keep the unexpected addition to her life safe.

“Toni?” The doors to their quarters open to allow T’Challa in, but she doesn’t look away from her reflection. “FRIDAY contacted me, she told me you were sick.” His voice is closer now, and Toni looks up to see him in the doorway to the bathroom, a concerned frown on his face. “Are you alright?”

“I never told you, I didn’t tell _anyone_.” She gets out in a rush, “I should have told you – but I couldn’t, I didn’t want to think about it.” He’s moving closer, and Toni watches him approach with wide eyes. He doesn’t say anything, he can obviously see the distress in her expression, because he reaches forwards to gently touch her arm and guide her into their bedroom and to the bed, where he sits her down, takes her hands, and kneels in front of her. “I couldn’t tell anyone. I didn’t want to face it.”

“What, _Kyau Daya_?”

“In Siberia,” Her lips are numb as she talks, she can’t focus beyond the racing of her heart and the fear that threatens to choke her. “I was pregnant, almost three months, and I didn’t even _know_. I woke up in the hospital and the doctors told me that I lost the baby, I didn’t even know what they were talking about until they gave me the fetus.” T’Challa is staring at her with wide eyes, but he stays silent, a grounding force, a rock in the sea of Toni’s panic as he gently kneads circles into her knuckles. “I hadn’t even thought that I wanted kids, and suddenly they were telling me that I had one, but it would never live. I don’t even know if I would have kept it back then if I had known, but I didn’t even get the _chance_ to think about it.” She feels like she’s falling again, looking into the wormhole as she slowly chokes on what little oxygen she has in her lungs, but she knows that physically she’s still grounded on their bed. She’s in Wakanda, not in New York, and she’s definitely not plummeting towards the ground.

“Toni,” T’Challa’s voice brings her back, tightening his grip on her hands. “ _Breath_ , my love. Come back to me.”

Toni shudders, her eyes refocusing on her husband’s dark eyes as he stares up at her; he was so gentle, so loving and warm and he has eyes for nothing else. It’s just the two of them in that moment, just a husband and wife, T’Challa and Toni.

“There you are,” He soothes, a large hand pressing against her cheek, “I am here, _Kambi na_.”

Toni leans forward, pressing her forehead against his own and closing her eyes. She needs to breath, she needs to calm down, she needs to tell him.

“I’m pregnant.”

 

**_When it wasn’t even whole to start with_ **

 

Ramonda and Shuri are the first to be told, and they’re both overjoyed.

The Queen Mother smiles at them like they’ve given her the world, moving forward to gently take Toni’s face in her hands and press a kiss to her forehead. “A grandchild!” She says in delight, pressing a second kiss to her cheeks as Shuri throws her arms around T’Challa in an excited embrace.

“Congratulation!” The Princess laughs, and T’Challa chuckles, returning the hug and spinning his sister in the air.

“You will be wonderful parents,” Ramonda tells them, wrapping Toni in a tight hug. “And I shall spoil them rotten.”

“Not if I spoil them first!” Shuri counters, grinning at her mother and sister-in-law over T’Challa’s shoulder, then releases her brother to latch onto Toni’s side. “I’ll make sure they take after Toni! And I’ll teach them everything I know about making Brother as flustered as possible!”

T’Challa rolls his eyes as he accepts his mother’s embrace, “You are a _terror_.”

“But I’m a _cute_ terror and you can’t stay mad at me!”

 

**_Because of you_ **

**_I never stray too far from the sidewalk_ **

 

“Tones, you okay there?”

Toni looks up from what she’s reading as her Honeybear sits down next to her on the couch, a frown on his face as he watches her. “What makes you think there’s something wrong, Sugarplum?” She pastes a teasing grin on her face, but Rhodey’s frown doesn’t waver.

“Well, you’re reading a _hardcopy_ of a book, for one.” He points out, “You only do that when you’ve got heavy thoughts.”

Toni’s lips twitch almost bitterly, and her eyes drop back to the book on her lap, “I’m worried, Rhodey.” She admits, “I’m fucked up, Howard was shitty, his parents were crap… what does that mean for my kid?”

“It means that my godkid is going to have one hell of a mother,” Without hesitation, Rhodey drops his arm around her shoulders and pulls her against his side. “A complete badass Ma with a heart of gold. Doesn’t matter how fucked up Howard was, because you’re Toni Stark, not Howard Stark. Genius, billionaire, philanthropist, and hero.”

Toni leans into her big brother’s arm, ducking her head under his chin and curling into his side. “How are you so good with words.” She whines playfully, and Platypus snorts against her curls.

“I cultivated the talent for all those speeches I had to write.”

 

**_Because of you_ **

**_I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt_ **

 

_Tony makes Dum-E when she’s nine years old._

_She’s lonely, without Jarvis around, and she wants a friend. Tony knows that her father would never let her out of the house to go mingle with children her age, not unless they were children of business partners, so Tony figures that she has to make her own friend. She had already had the idea in her head before Jarvis’ death, but it’s not until he’s gone that she fleshes out the idea in full and gets to work._

_Admittedly, the Artificial Intelligence is clumsy, her first foray into programming, but Tony is proud of her work as the claw-camera on wheels begins to come together._

_And on activating the robot, Tony is overjoyed that it worked._

_The small girl absolutely beams when her creation beeps and rolls towards her, claw clicking and spinning as his camera watches her. She’s successfully created a rudimentary AI!_

_Tony squeals excitedly, bouncing on her toes, and grins at the clumsy bot as it shakes, trying to mimic her movements. “Hello! I’m Tony, your creator!” The claw whirrs, an almost confused note to the sound, and Tony reaches out her hand, palm up. “Can you shake my hand?”_

_She watches, quivering with excitement as the bot carefully reaches forward, and the claw drops into her hand and shakes for a moment, and Tony laughs. “Close enough, dummy.”_

_A beep is her answer, and the bot perks up and clacks at her rapidly, almost sounding happy._

_“Dummy?” Tony tries, and the claw nods, “You like the name?” Another nod, and Tony shrugs, “Well, it’s up to you; Dum-E it is.”_

_With a beep, Dum-E rolls away to study his big new world, and Tony has to cringe when he immediately tips the desk over._

_(Most girls have baby dolls as their first introduction to motherhood, but Tony has Dum-E, and she wouldn’t trade the clumsy idiot for the world.)_

 

**_Because of you_ **

**_I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me_ **

 

Toni stares down at the tiny baby in her arms and thinks that she finally understands what her mother meant.

Her son had been put into her arms, a delicate, breakable little thing, and she had fallen in love. Toni knew that one wrong move could mean that her son would be dead, his bones too fragile to protect him, muscles non-existent, and holy shit- how did such a beautiful little thing come from her. It didn’t matter that he had a scrunched up face that looked like a potato, or was wailing at the top of his tiny lungs, he was perfect.

Okay, so _not_ perfect – because Toni doesn’t believe in the idea of perfection, because that means there’s no room to be better, and Toni thinks that her son is going to change the world. Or not, it would be his choice in the end, but Toni thinks she’ll be proud of him even if he doesn’t.

“Hello little one, welcome to the world.” Toni murmurs, brushing a finger over chubby cheeks and a tiny nose, he has skin like mocha, a bald little head, and eyes screwed shut. Arms too weak to do much are curled into a tiny chest, and body swaddled into a colourful Wakandan blanket. “You’re going to be a little heartbreaker,”

He’s already stolen hers anyways.

 

**_Because of you_ **

**_I am afraid_ **

 

Vision is staring down at the swaddled baby in his arms like he’s looking at something precious, and Toni doesn’t blame him, smiling tiredly from her reclining chair as T’Challa’s hands brush through her short hair and their families gush at the sleeping baby boy.

“Oh isn’t he just precious!” Riri whispers, bouncing on her toes and peering over Vision’s arm. “I could just eat him up.”

“He’s adorable!” Bonnie gushes, but Harley tilts his head to the side, squinting at the infant.

“Looks like a deformed potato,” The young man says bluntly, then grunts when his girlfriend swats at him.

“Oh _hush_ you! Look at his little cheeks.” Riri coos, ignoring Harley’s grumbles as her fellow Iron Suit-wearer rubs his abused arm.

“He is very healthy, Mother.” Vision tells her, “Though that may be attributed to the dormant Extremis in his blood. I don’t believe it will cause any problems for him, possibly acting more like a natural mutation then a virus.”

“We’re keeping an eye on it.” Toni assures him, and Vision nods.

“I do believe it cause a mutation in his eye colour,” Vision mutters, studying him. “They look more and more gold every time I look.”

“You should see it when he throws a tantrum.” T’Challa says in amusement, “They truly turn gold.”

“He has a very active mind,” The android muses to himself, “Though no concrete thoughts. I will have to study other infants of similar ages to draw an appropriate conclusion.”

Azari wakes with a surprised sneeze, blinking around him in confusion, and Vision makes a surprised noise. A finger moves to poke experimentally at the small infant, and Azari coos at the red digit, making a clumsy grab for it, and Toni watches fondly as Vision’s face softens as he allows his little brother to wrap a chubby hand around his finger then stare at it like it was exceptionally interesting.

“I want one!” Riri sighs, and Harley coughs in alarm. “Well, okay – not right _now_ , we’re pretty busy as it is – saving the world and all that jazz. Maybe in a few years.”

“Can I have one too?” Bonnie asks, and Harley looks even more frightened at his little sister’s words.

“When you’re older, _Stella_.” Toni tells her, and the teenager pouts.

 

**_I watched you die_ **

 

_Tony flinches further into the shadows as she hears Howard’s furious scream, followed by the crash of him throwing the contents of his desk onto the floor, and the shattering of his crystal glass being thrown against a wall._

_“Why is it so fucking hard to find that damned plane!” Her father shouts, and Tony winces._

_He’s looking for Captain America._

_Hesitantly, the ten-year-old peers around the door into Howard’s lab, staring at the mess of a man seated on the floor, surrounded by maps, broken glass, and spilt whiskey. His head is cradled in his hands, and his shoulders are shaking with silent sobs._

A hero _is what people call Howard Stark,_ a patriot _, but Tony knows that if they saw what she did, they’d know the truth; he was a broken man, obsessed with a dead man and his legend. A man who took his pain and anger out on those smaller than him in the private of his own home._

_If the world knew the truth, it would ruin him._

_Or at least what was left of him._

 

**_I heard you cry every night in your sleep_ **

 

Azari is five months old when the first kidnapping is attempted.

T’Challa is away, attending a UN Summit, and Toni is alone in their room when she’s awoken as the suit activates without her say-so, crawling across her body rapidly and throwing her out of the room, FRIDAY’s panicked, unintelligible rambling in her ear as the suit flies her past the Dora stationed outside of Azari’s nursery and blasting through the door just in time to catch the image of a darkly-garbed figure drop out of the window – which should have been impassible – and Azari’s empty crib.

She doesn’t need FRIDAY’s explanation to know that someone had hacked the AI, and was taking off with her baby. FRIDAY had done the next best thing when she found herself unable to activate the alarm, she had taken remote control of the Bleeding Edge suit to catch Toni’s attention.

_Good girl._

Toni gives chase immediately, able to hear the alarm being raised in the palace as she soars into the sky.

She has to be careful, one wrong move could mean Azari’s death – she needs to cut the kidnapper off.

“ _Ay yo, White Girl_ ,” N’Jadaka’s voice comes over her comm. “ _I’m comin’ in from the opposite direction – herd the bastard towards me_.”

“Got it.” Toni hisses, “I want a piece of this dead man when we catch him.”

N’Jadaka chuckles, and now that she’s looking, she can see the Wakandan-American’s Black Leopard suit leaping across the building the kidnapper is heading towards.

(The man obviously hadn’t expected to be noticed, probably too confident in whatever technology he had gotten his hands on, because his exit strategy was shit.)

It takes moments; Black Leopard, in all his black and gold glory, drops from the building’s roofs, blade drawn, and the kidnapper tries to black-track, only to find himself face-to-face with a pissed off Iron Queen.

 _God_ is she glad that she was paranoid enough to keep her nanobots on her at all times (now housed in the Vibranium choker she wears) because if she hadn’t the piece of shit would have had an escape route.

“Hand over the kid, Cumdumpster.” N’Jadaka growls, prowling forward, swords glinting in the light. “And we might not kill ya – it might distract the angry momma at any rate.” The man hesitates, and it’s enough time for N’Jadaka to dart forward, blades swinging and severing the kidnapper’s Achilles tendon. As he falls, the War Dog plucks a still sleeping and probably drugged Azari from his arms, and backs away, the baby cradled against his shoulder.

Palace guards pour into the area, weapons at the ready, and Toni leaves the would-be kidnapper to their capable hands to turn her attention to her son (though she does deliver a vicious kick to the man’s balls as she passes).

N’Jadaka hands him over without any fuss when the Iron Queen armour returns to its hold, and Toni gathers the baby boy to her chest.

“How the fuck did _that_ happen?” Her husband’s cousin growls, dark eyes turning to the Palace Guards as Ayo pulls the injured kidnapper to his feet, unforgiving in the face of his severed heel, and-

“Hail, HYDRA.” The man growls, and goes limp, foaming at the mouth.

_Goddamnit._

 

_**I was so young** _

 

HYDRA doesn’t know what hits them.

Bases scattered throughout Africa are systematically destroyed by the vengeful Wakandans, and a good number of Avengers when they descend upon them; the news goes crazy with the story, and Toni offers Shuri a fist bump as they watch their hard work. The fools had made a mistake when they decided to kidnap the Prince of the most technologically advanced country in the world, a country that also housed the two greatest technological minds in history, while using technology.

Any technology can be hacked, and Toni and Shuri rise to the challenge.

Toni grins as an African news station shows an image of the Black Panther striding out of a burning HYDRA base, Black Leopard a step behind his cousin, and she points it out to an enraptured Azari.

“Look Azari! _Baba_ and _Ounku_ are on TV!”

The bastards had made the mistake of underestimating them, and they did not live to regret it.

A job well done in Toni’s book.

 

**_You should have known better than to lean on me_ **

 

 _“I_ hate _you!” Tony is twelve years old, and she’s filled with anger; anger at Howard, anger at the world, anger at the image people have pushed on the Heiress to the Stark name. “You can take your stupid Gala and shove it up your ass! I hate you and your fucking company- you’re nothing but a bitter old man obsessed with a dead legend!”_

 _Maria Stark watches in horror, dressed in her finest for the Christmas Gala that Toni is refusing to attend, and Howard bristles with fury._ _“Watch your mouth, Girl!” The aging man growls, and Tony glares right back at him, daring him to make a move – she knows she can outrun him, because Howard Stark is old, he’s in his seventies; he can’t chase down a twelve-year-old girl with boundless energy._

_“Howard, dear,” Mother tries to say, “We’re going to be late to the Gala.”_

_Howard glares for a moment, but Tony knows that he knows that Madre is right, because he backs down, with a growl. “We can continue this when I get back, Tony.”_

_Tony glares right back._

_(She doesn’t know that neither of them will be coming back – it’s December 16, 1991.)_

 

**_You never thought of anyone else_ **

**_You just saw your pain_ **

 

Toni can’t help but smile as she watches a ten month old Azari crawl diligently around his father’s feet during the Council meeting, and she can see the matching smiles on the faces of the Tribe Leaders as the Prince babbles determinedly, lips trying to form the same vowels T’Challa speaks.

Azari plops himself down on his bottom at the base of T’Challa’s throne, amber eyes studying the gathered adults intensely, then looks at the throne, like he’s thinking of something, and inches himself closer to the seat.

_Problem solving._

Toni watches, enraptured, as the infant’s face screws up in determination and he tips himself forward, getting his knees and arms under himself, and she perks up.

The butt goes into the air, and then he’s pushing himself up on his hands and feet, he wobbles, then he’s pushing himself up. A hand goes out instinctively to balance himself, resting on the throne until he stops swaying, and the Council goes silent. Azari doesn’t notice, too focused on shuffling away from his father’s throne, arms pin wheeling slightly with every toddling step, and he giggles, beaming up at Toni as he staggers his way toward where she’s seated.

“Mama!” He chirps, reaching towards her as he continues to toddle, and the Council holds their breath.

He’s maybe three steps away from Toni’s chair when he over-balances and tips over like a turtle on its back, makes a frustrated noise, then rolls himself back over on his stomach and tries again.

He makes it this time, bumping into Toni’s leg as wrapping little hands in her skirt as he beams up at her, “Mama! Did!”

Toni coos, scooping her baby boy into her lap to kiss him on the forehead, “You did! Very good, Azari!”

Azari giggles, giving her one of his own sloppy kisses on the nose.

 

**_And now I cry in the middle of the night_ **

**_For the same damn thing_ **

 

Sometimes, Toni wakes up in the darkness, a muffled scream on her lips and tears wetting her cheeks; her memories haunt her, they threaten to drown her, and she can’t forget, no matter how hard she tries.

T’Challa is always there, a steady presence as he snakes an arm around her and pulls her close, his deep voice washing over her and drawing her back to the present.

“I never knew my birth mother,” He says one night when Toni woke up crying for her mother. “She fell ill after my birth, and joined our ancestors when I was a few weeks old.”

Sometimes, it’s T’Challa who wakes up in a cold sweat, apologizing in his mother tongue and trying not to cry. On those nights, Toni will curl into his side and let him brush his hand across her, reminding him that she’s still there.

“My butler was the closest thing I had to a father,” Toni tells him in the darkness, talking calmly as he shakes with silent sobs. “I wish he had actually been my father.”

“I love you.” They’ll both say.

 

**_Because of you_ **

**_I never stray too far from the sidewalk_ **

 

_Antonia watches, silent and unmoving, as her parents are lowered into the ground. Obie is at her side, large arm wrapped around her shoulders as the vultures circle them, offering false condolences and trying to worm themselves into Antonia’s confidence._

_“What a terrible thing, if you need anything Miss Stark-“_

_“Poor girl, your father was a great man-“_

_They want to see her cry; they want to see weakness._

_Antonia is a Stark, and Starks are made of Iron._

_She’ll go home and lock herself away in her room, and it’s only then that she’ll cry; she’ll cry for her beautiful mother who was taken away from her, not for the cruel father who was never pleased with what he had._

_Then, she’ll pull herself together, straighten her spine, and go to Obie and demand that he lets her go to school._

_Antonia is twelve years old when her parents die, and she won’t let anyone see her tears._

 

**_Because of you_ **

**_I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt_ **

 

“There’s my favourite minion!”

Azari squeals as Shuri scoops him into her arms, and twirls the fourteen-month old child in the air over her head “Anti! Let down!” The toddler giggles, and Shuri blows a raspberry into the boy’s chubby stomach. “Don’t _Anti_! Tickles!”

“What was that Cub? You want more?”

“Nooooo!” The toddler shrieks with laughter, and Toni snickers into her hand. “Mama! Help!”

Toni moves quickly, smoothly swiping Azari from Shuri’s grasp with a “ _Whoop_!” and bundles the toddler into her side as he continues to shake with giggles.

Shuri pouts, and Toni flicks her sister-in-law on the nose. “Mean!” Then she brightens, turning to Azari as he hides his face in his mother’s shoulder. “Guess _somebody_ doesn’t want his present!” She sings teasingly, and Azari perks up, big amber eyes turning towards his aunt.

“Present!” He cheers, and Shuri grins, producing a life-sized stuffed panther cub from seemingly nowhere, (she had hidden it under her desk, but the sleight of hand impressed Azari) showing it off to her enthralled nephew.

“This is ABEO!” At the name, what Toni had originally pegged as a stuffed animal twitches, light coming to it’s dark eyes.

“Hello, I am ABEO.” The spotted panther purrs, and Azari shrieks in delight, squirming to be let down as Shuri puts the little furred bot on the floor, and Azari makes an immediate b-line for his new ‘toy’.

“ABEO is an educational AI,” Shuri says proudly, grinning at Toni, “I used Arc Reactor technology to power him, and he’ll fight to protect him if there’s danger. He’ll help Azari’s mental development, and while teaching him, Abeo will also grow and develop a personality of his own.”

“I wanted to make him his first AI,” Toni whines playfully and ignores Shuri’s stuck out tongue, then turns to Azari. “Your _Anti_ made you a special present, Azari, what do you say?”

Azari beams at Shuri, little arms wrapped around ABEO’s neck as the young AI chuffs at him, “Thank _Anti_!”

“It’s thank you.” ABEO corrects, and Azari giggles.

“Thank you!”

“You spoil him,” Toni sighs as Azari turns back to his new friend, and Shuri claps her hands in delight.

“I did say I would!”

 

**_Because of you_ **

**_I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt_ **

 

Toni is smiling, laying on her stomach as she watches T’Challa.

Azari is perched on his father’s lap, one hand petting absently through ABEO’s spotted fur as he listens to his father’s deep voice, the other trailing along through the book as T’Challa reads to him. The two-year old’s brows are furrowed as he mouths along with the story, and it’s adorable.

She quickly pulls out her phone, snapping a quick picture of the cute moment, then blows T’Challa a kiss when he looks up.

 

**_Because of you_ **

**_I try my hardest just forget everything_ **

 

“Vision! Vision is here!” Azari chirps, bouncing around Vision’s feet as the android enters the royal wing, ABEO on his heels like always, and Toni watches as Vision smiles fondly. “Hi Vision! I missed you!”

“Hello Azari,” Vision says calmly, bending down to scoop his baby brother up into his arms and press a kiss to the three-year-old’s forehead. “I missed you too.”

“Did you bring a present?” T’Challa huffs at the toddler’s words, smile amused, and Toni snorts.

Vision chuckles, “I did indeed, however no presents until _after_ dinner.” Azari pouts, but recovers quickly and throws his arms around his big brother’s neck to press a kiss to the android’s cheek.

“I’m happy you’re here, Brother!” Azari tells him cheerfully, “It’s my birthday!”

“It is!” Vision agrees, “Three years old already! You’re getting so big!”

“Soon he’ll be too big to hold.” Toni says in amusement, and Azari gasps, looking horrified.

“No! I’ll stay small!” The young Prince babbles, “I like holding!”

“I like being held.” ABEO corrects, and Azari nods.

“I like being held!”

“But you cannot be Black Panther if you stay small,” T’Challa teases, “I thought you wanted to become the Black Panther and protect your Mama and _Baba_?”

Azari looks torn, pouting at them all as they laugh.

 

**_Because of you_ **

**_I don’t know how to let anyone else in_ **

 

One night, unable to sleep, Toni slips out of bed.

Illuminated by the moonlight, she shuffles towards her wardrobe, digging through clothing until she finds what she’s searching for, and retreats with the little box held in her hands. It’s a beautiful little thing that gleams in the light from the moon; Toni had made it herself. It can’t be opened, sealed shut with its treasure inside, and nearly indestructible.

She remembers Rogers’ demands when he returned to the States, yelling at her to give back his shield because the one T’Challa had generously given him didn’t work the right way, and she knows that if he knew the truth of what happened to his shield, it would probably break him.

It housed their child’s ashes.

She hadn’t even known the gender of her unborn child, but she had cremated to small fetus, and given it a name nonetheless.

_Jamie Maria Stark_

She wonders if Azari would have liked his big sibling, wonders what the unborn child could have been if it had survived; would she have kept it if she had the chance to consider it? Now that she has Azari, Toni wants to say that _yes_ , she would have, but she was a different person now, Azari had changed her.

In the end, you can’t answer hypotheticals, because you can’t know what you would do in that situation.

 

**_Because of you_ **

**_I’m ashamed of my life because it’s empty_ **

 

“Mama! Mama look at what I made!”

Toni looks up from her work as Azari rushes into her lab, a shocked T’Challa trailing behind their energetic four-year-old and ABEO prancing next to him. Azari is beaming up at her, proud and excited, and in his hands-

“Did you do that?” Toni asks, surprised as she kneels down in front of her son to study the circuit board in his little hands, and Azari nods brightly. “That’s amazing, _Gattino_!”

“I watched _Anti_ do it first, then I did it! ABEO didn’t help me at all, I did it all by myself!”

“He did.” ABEO chuffs,

“My genius little _Tesoro_!” Toni coos, pressing a kiss to her son’s forehead, “You’re amazing!”

“It is quite the feat.” T’Challa agrees, “He wanted to show you immediately.”

“I don’t blame him! This is amazing!”

Azari giggles, “ _Anti_ even made sure it works, and it does!”

“Pretty soon you’ll be usurping Research and Development right out from under your Anti!” Toni says playfully, and Azari’s curls bounce with the force of his energetic nod. “I’m proud of you, Azari.”

 

**_Because of you_ **

 

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Toni looks up at T’Challa’s words, and nods in determination, “I need this, I need to face him one last time.” She mutters, and T’Challa steps forward until her back is pressed against his chest, his sneaking around her middle to cradle the small baby-bump.

“You’ll be careful?” He asks quietly, pressing a kiss against the back of Toni’s neck.

“Don’t get your whiskers in a twist, your Kittiness.” Toni teases, “I’ll have Ayo with me, and he can’t hurt me now. I’m the stronger one now.”

“I still worry, _Ododo mi_.”

“I know you do, _A_ _more mio._ ” She turns, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him deeply, “ _Hai dato un senso alla mia vita._ ”

“ _Inumi dun gan._ ” He murmurs against her lips like a prayer, “ _Okan mi nso ede ife_.”

“I’ll be gone a few days,” She promises, “Then I’ll be back.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

 

**_I am afraid_ **

 

The chair isn’t as comfortable as Toni would have liked, and she shifts to find a more comfortable position as she waits.

She _needs_ to do this – she needs to face him one last time, and tell him.

He needs to know; not for himself, but for _her_ , because Toni wants to get one more dig in before she leaves him behind for good. Maybe a small part of her wants to tell someone who would share her grief with her, but it’s mostly pettiness and closure that brought Toni to the prison. Because Toni is a mother, and she wants Steve Rogers to know that he won’t take another child from her.

She’s doing this for herself, for Azari, for her unborn Maria, and _especially_ for Jamie, who would never live because of the man who had fathered them.

The door starts to open, and Toni puts on her game face.

 

**_Because of you_ **

**_Because of you_ **


	2. Author Note

Hey Readers!

So I know I said that there was one more story in the main continuity of my AU, but I was having trouble writing it, whereas all other 4 stories just seemed to write themselves.  
I went back and reread the previous stories and it made me realize that Because of You is just a much more natural place to bring the main storyline to a close; I know that leaves a few unanswered questions, so I am planning a drabble series that will be open to prompts, and if it works out, a spinoff or two.

If anyone has any questions, I'll answer them the best I can :)

Thanks for all the love and support you've given me, and I'll see you in the drabble series!

Lots of love,  
Uzu

 

 

EDIT:

[Introducing Me](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1236623) <\- Here's where you can find the spin off series! 


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